Five years ago the hubby and I decided that we'd try for another kid when he turned 30....if we felt like it. Well, we didn't feel like it. We realized that our youngest was like having two kids in one body (boy and girl), sleep was finally getting back to normal and we liked having some "freedom" back. Not to mention the money we saved without having to pay for daycare anymore!
Fast forward to March of 2016 and SURPRISE WE'RE PREGNANT! We pretty much had a moment that resembled two teenagers who had A LOT of explaining to do when we saw the positive sign on the EPT. I was terrified to tell my then 15 year old that her mama got knocked up. When I sat her down and said I had something important to tell her she started panicking, assuming that I had cancer. Perhaps I was a little dramatic leading up to what I had to say...way to go mom!
Regardless, it all worked out. My oldest embraced it and the youngest was excited to be a big sister. Last fall we welcomed a beautiful eight pound, brown eyed boy to break up the estrogen wafting through the house and carry on the family name.
Sometimes my husband and I adoringly look at "T" and ask, "where did you come from?" Sparing you the personal details....he truly was meant to be and determined on becoming a part of our family-- I'll leave it at that. In all honesty, it's like he was always in the plans, but still miraculous. He was not on our radar AT ALL, yet I couldn't imagine life without him and don't even want to think about it.
But here we are almost a year later. Life moves faster and faster and I can't find the handbrake to slow it down. Our oldest is in her junior year of high school, the youngest daughter just started second grade and the hubby is preparing for his third year in the MBA program. And I'm still "mom-ing" it while working part time and aspiring to be an aspiring writer.
I'm grateful for everything I've been handed in life. I even wrote a book about it. And then I wrote another to celebrate some other things I appreciate--but unfortunately that's still sitting on my computer...on hold....pending a few edits....waiting to get out and breathe on the screen of a Kindle. And I feel like a big, fat procrastinator.
I know I'm not. I'm just busy. Busy with a lot, but then nothing at all (apparently, not too busy to write this post.) I LOVE to write. Even when I'm not good at it, it feels so good! Something about the escape of it. The story I see in my head, the characters and situations that manifest from nothing but a spark or idea. It's awesome! But unfortunately for me, it requires a quiet place, a block of uninterrupted time and most importantly, the urge to do it. Is it this way for all writers?
I've been talking to my husband about how much I miss it. He's wonderful and willing to do whatever to make writing time possible, but I put it off for various reasons. So far, all I've done is submitted a few queries to literary agents because it's "Manuscript Wish List Day" on Twitter, which I didn't even know was a thing until this afternoon. But I did and I tried and was quickly reminded about the part of writing that I hate--taking a chance. Putting yourself out there and hoping for good feedback. I don't write with the hope of making money, though it would be nice! I write for my soul and put out what I write to share a little of that soul, and maybe it connects with another persons soul. Nothing I create is particularly profound, but it comes from a real place within me.
But today I cannot write because what I thought was only a fictitious scenario in Made in Sweden (not yet released) has actually happened to me and it's awesome. The point of this long, rambling blog is this--life isn't always what you planned. It's often the complete opposite. Sometimes you get exactly what want, but in the most round-about way. And sometimes wonderfully unexpected events delay something else you wanted to accomplish, but that's okay!
I know I'll eventually release my book. And maybe one day I'll get published. If not, oh well! I've got a whopping twenty-two Amazon reviews that make me pretty happy and I've entertained some people. Coincidentally, I received three new reviews of The Nostalgia Effect this month, almost as if it's a sign to finish what I've started or do what I love. But for now, I need to go wipe banana off my son, get the kids from school and make dinner for the people I love.
Thanks for letting me ramble...now go do something YOU love! Or don't, I won't judge.....