Thursday, August 14, 2014

Another Year! Should I Be Worried?

I vividly remember crying alone in my bedroom the eve of my eighteenth birthday. Something about leaving childhood behind and becoming an actual adult had me feeling melancholy and nostalgic at the same time. The next day I was over it and the fun-filled day eased me into what would be the start of an adulthood that was tougher than I could have anticipated at that time. 

Then came the "twenty-oner". Rather than pub crawling with friends to commemorate my legal drinking age, I was five months pregnant, engaged and thought I knew exactly what the rest of my life was going to be like. I'd get married, have one or two more children, and live a humble, but fulfilling life.

By twenty-five I was technically twice divorced and starting over as a single mom. The formative early twenties that I'd skipped over by trying to be what I thought was an adult, knocked loudly on my door. They weren't letting up and insisted on taking me down a path of self-discovery, independence and self-reliance that I still appreciate and acknowledge to this day. 

The day I turned thirty, I started to panic a bit. I was newly married to a man that came across the world to be with me, I had a decent job, a plethora of friends and family -- what more could I ask for? What more could I need? Hadn't I accomplished most of what I'd hoped for at twenty-one? Sort of….I still wanted more, I just didn't know what. A sense of urgency started to take over to find out who I really was destined to be. Every year after that got a little easier, but a subtle trace of finding out who I was still lingered. 

Now today, on my thirty-fifth birthday (I know, I'm still considered young!) I look back at the last five years. Like a slideshow, it runs quickly through my mind in reverse, then forward to this moment where I sit in one of my favorite spots -- at my computer. The place that I get to share a piece of myself, with all of you. 

Truth is, the last five years has been pretty good to me. Between having another child, scary (but good) career changes and discovering a craft that speaks to my soul, the ability to appreciate what life has given me is stronger than it has ever been. Perhaps that's because I'm more aware of my mortality and how I can't take it for granted. OR maybe it’s because I’m getting older and my mind is forgetting all the bad stuff!

Surprisingly, I find myself welcoming this age and whatever it has planned for me with open arms and an open mind. Don't get me wrong, I have a variety of anti-aging creams, I'm hitting the gym at least four days a week, and facial exercises have become my new regimen ( thank you!). But I'm excited, because that slideshow in my head reveals to me that those ages I'd so been afraid of brought me change, (good and bad), wisdom (real wisdom, not arrogance) and many other blessings that I'm ever so grateful for. 

Am I scared about getting older? Not really. Am I worried about what's to come next? Nope, I'm actually excited! Even though gravity and my bones are starting to work against me, my mind is finally at peace. I've made it to some destination that at eighteen, twenty-one, twenty-five and thirty, wasn't on the map for what I thought would be my life. But that’s what so great about life....the magic of it happens over time rather than instantaneously. You just need good hindsight to see it. Hope you all get a little bit of magic soon!

Take care my friends,


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