Hubby Hunting in College? -- More "Stellar"
Advice From The Princeton Mom.
While waiting for my oldest child to get ready for school
this morning, I sat down with a cup of coffee and turned on NBC's Today Show.
One of the segments was a short interview with Savannah Guthrie and Susan Patton.
Last year, Patton made her presence known with an open
letter titled, The Young Women of Princeton - The Daughters I Never Had, which quickly went viral -- thus leading to
her notoriety. Now she has done society the favor of imparting more of her
womanly wisdom via her book -- Marry Smart. Regardless of whether or not
I agreed with her advice, I thought I would be open-minded and hear her out
during the short interview.
As I listened to Ms. Patton convey her strong opinions
about how young women should spend 75% of their time in college focusing on
their personal goals (finding a mate/tool to settle down with) and 25% of their
time focusing on their career/educational goals, I found myself wanting to tell
my children to cover their ears!
If raising daughters wasn't already challenging enough, I
now have to contend with a woman known as “The Princeton Mom”, spouting out her
"advice" to young girls who are departing their formative high school
years and entering college. Great!
I sat in shock as Savannah Guthrie (a smart and
attractive forty-something news anchor) did her best to keep her professional
composure without laughing during the interview. At one point, I thought she
was going to burst out, "You've got to be kidding me, Sue...,"
but Guthrie maintained her role and allowed Patton to elaborate.
In some aspects, I have to say Patton may be right on some
of her points. IF a young woman’s primary aspiration is to find an equally
intelligent man to share her life with, then perhaps college is the best place
to do so. A young women might
not get another chance in her life to swim in such a large pool of single young
men -- and apparently educated ones to boot!
According to Patton, women will NEVER be more attractive
and fertile then when they are in their college years. Therefore, this is the
time to land that man. My response to her? "Speak for yourself, Lady!"
Fertile, yes, attractive.....ummmm, that's a matter of opinion, SUSAN!
Let's review some of her imparted wisdom.
1) “Work will wait. Your fertility won’t. So yes, I’m
saying double down. Spend 75 percent of time planning your personal happiness,
putting in place the things you need to ensure you reach your personal goals.”
Sure, college is a prime place to find an equally
ambitious and educated partner, but let’s remember folks, in college you are in
your early twenties. How well do long-term partnerships really work out when
you meet your spouse around the age that you just became legally allowed to
drink?
2) "If you require major bodywork, get it done in high school."
Her explanation for that statement: “If you enter your
college years not in your best form, not feeling as good as you can feel about
yourself, you’ll hamper your own chances for personal happiness as well as
professional success."
Yes, let’s add ONE more weight on the shoulders of
adolescent girls -- get in shape, go to college, land a man and get your
degree. Mom and Dad should also shell out thousands of dollars for plastic
surgery and an additional $40K for you to go off to college to spend 75% of
your time finding a man. Good plan!
3) Her last point in the interview in regards to young
women partaking in college fun is a doozy:
"If a woman is too incapacitated to speak, and
potentially unable to ward off someone's unwanted advances, then it's her own
fault. Please spare me your ‘Blaming the victim’ outrage. You have to get up
and leave. It’s all on women."
So, let me get this straight, Susan -- you want young
girls to go off to college and find a suitable man, in what might potentially
be a dangerous situation? They should hang around these boys and possibly marry
one, but not get so drunk that they could possibly be taken advantage of?
There's more: "Well, you can count on men to act
responsibly. Maybe they will. I hope they do — most men do — but at the end of
the day, women have to bear complete and total control of themselves and
responsibility for their safety.”
Yes, we need to educate our girls about being aware and
responsible in social situations while drinking. BUT, we also need to educate
our boys (especially those attending college to later become societal leaders)
that regardless of how inebriated a young woman is, they are NEVER to take
advantage or there WILL be consequences.
Women DO need to practice control of and responsibility
for their safety. But, they also need to be supported by society in doing just
that. Young women don't need contradictions, half-witted advice spawned from
your regrets, or additional pressure to accomplish conventional goals as you
see fit, Ms. Patton.
When women enter college, regardless of their
attractiveness or fertility, they are still young. Most are trying to find
themselves and define who they are and want to be. Primarily focusing on
finding a mate within a short period of time whilst getting an education may be
irresponsible. If it happens organically, great -- maybe it was meant to
be! But a young woman's last priority should be strategically finding a
husband in college, just because she wants a family later in life.
Let me say to young ladies out there, that I
personally feel there are risks in hurrying into a relationship because it
falls into some "plan." Perhaps you get caught up in the
"plan" and don't even complete college, or ever use your degree.
Instead, you find your husband, settle down, have some kids and later find that
the man who was suitable at the age of twenty-two is no longer your cup of tea.
Will you now find yourself as a single mother and possibly struggling to make
ends meet because you only spent 25% of your time in college focusing on your
career goals?
As a mother of two daughters, that is a FAR scarier
thought for me than them having less mate options, or a shorter time frame in
their thirties or forties to settle down and have children.
I find a formally-educated woman writing a book offering
two-bit lifestyle advice for young and impressionable women disheartening.
What's worse is that it seems to be spawned by Patton's inability to marry a
man who, she believes, wasn't her intellectual equal.
She wrote in passing that perhaps if she had nailed
down a more suitable (intelligent) partner in college, she wouldn't have ended
up divorced. In her words, her marriage was still a "success" because
she had two children from that union, and that was what she ultimately
wanted.
For a smart woman, Patton is coming off quite dumb.
Should she have met the "right" man in college, she may not have the
same life or the same offspring she has today. On the bright side, if she had,
we may have been spared her "wisdom."
In the meantime, I am doing my best to raise acclimated,
confident and strong young women, who will grow up to be smart enough to see
through the crap that occasionally comes down the pipeline in life. And Patton’s
"advice" is utter B.S.
EJ Valson
(un-formally educated, still very fertile,
apparently attractive and happily married)
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