If It Was Easy, Everyone Would Be Doing It

I'm not sure if it's the time change or just change in general, but lately I've been feeling distracted and slightly overwhelmed by the daily nuances, and never feeling fully accomplished. Most days, I honestly feel like a giant "B." Trying to find the small victories can be hard, especially when you have children of various ages telling you you're not doing something right in one form or another. Whether it be a tantrum, the silent treatment, or out right telling you they aren't pleased with a choice you've made for them. Combine that with trying to be a good partner, employee or both, and it's a doozy at times.

While taking a quick shower this morning, I was interrupted by two fighting children. As I did my best to hide behind a glass shower door from the small, bickering privacy invaders, I found myself shouting back at them. And just like that, my morning quickly turned into chaos and rising blood pressure. After I composed myself and washed the soap out of my hair, it dawned on me that I'm soooo not the Mom I want to be. Or should I say, expected I'd be.

I always assumed I'd be a "super-mom." Loving, fun, cool, energetic, but firm when necessary. I'd like to say I'm those things at times, but usually it's in small spurts fueled by a nap or coffee. I've been a parent for almost 19 years and even with all this experience under my belt, I'm still a work in progress. I've already gotten one through high school, but her going into adulthood has been one of the hardest periods yet. I also have a toddler and a nine year old--it's not for the birds either. It's hard work, mentally, emotionally and physically.

I should stress that I don't feel sorry for myself. I'm a blessed woman, who's been fortunate enough to have most everything I had desired growing up. A loving husband, three healthy and mostly happy kids, but still feel like I come up short a lot. And I often wonder, "Am I wrong to feel this way? Am I being ridiculous? Am I just never satisfied?" All of those shaming thoughts just make me feel worse.

A lot of us feel pressure to be a combo of Betty Crocker, Alice Brady, Marilyn Monroe, Rosie the Riveter, a PTA-soccer mom, and whomever else we assume has their crap together. But who's really asking that of us? Somewhere along the line I began to believe, even though I was not raised this way, that if I was all of these ideals, my life would be perfect. I'd have a perfect marriage, happy kids, beautiful home, etc. I have no idea where I got this from, but I'm pretty sure I'm enabling this belief. Even something as small as another mom inadvertently criticizing the plates I provided for a class party, can press that doubt button within me and make me feel inadequate. That's not her fault, I allowed it to bug me, (side note--don't be that mom) but it still feeds into my insecurities, regardless.

So how do I make this stop? How do I get to being OK with my short-comings? Meditation, alcohol, Zumba, therapy, massage, humor....all of the above? Ladies, I have not the slightest clue. But what I do believe, and so should you other Mama's, is that ---- YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS! For every morning that you got up, had a cup of coffee and then everything went to crap by 9:00 am-- you are not alone. For every well-intentioned moment you had that imploded--you are not alone. For every time you've cried in the shower, car or closet, because you've felt like a failure--you are not alone. 

After the shower incident and my negative self-talk and doubt casting about what I'm doing wrong, I came to the realization that there's no way I'm alone in this feeling. No mom is. And I believe the issue stems from expecting WAY too much from ourselves. I've decided that I'm going to commit to being a little easier on myself. It's time for all of us to put away those meaningless motherhood "goals" and focus on the basics. "Do my kids have food in their bellies? Do they have clothes on their backs and a roof over their head? Do they know that I love them?" If we can answer, "YES," to those simple questions, then we're doing good so far. 

We aren't always going to get the recognition we deserve or immediate gratification. And praise is often short-lived. We may not pack the right snacks, get to school on time, go on all the field-trips, or bring the right plates, but dammit, at least we try. If we snap a little, make a boxed dinner because we're too fried from the day, stay in the bathroom longer just to get a few extra minutes of "alone time," we are NOT failures. We are just one woman trying to be several, and that's a lot of pressure. The PTA can wait, the play-dates aren't mandatory and the few extra pounds on the scale will not kill us. Most importantly, at the end of the day our kids will still love us regardless.